She seemed unsure of herself, eyes downcast, behaving as many women do when they first arrive. Sinking into the chair in my office, however, she appeared too meek to look me in the eye as her tears began to form. With time, granite that once held the characteristics of a unique natural form is visibly reduced to a smooth, monolithic surface.
I recognized the familiar look of bewilderment, explained by others before her as wondering whether they are going to make sense when they begin to speak, of whether I will view them as whiners, or whether they may be wasting my time. At a glance, I could see that among other things this woman had successfully argued a case in front of the U. Instead of drops of water, women married to men on the spectrum are struck by pain from unrelenting moments of being reflected inaccurately in the place they look most often for reassurance: the eyes of their husbands.
On occasion, she makes up stories about her birthday so people won’t feel sorry for her.
She feels rejected, as well as foolish for being immature.
She also feels rejected by her husband over the belief her birthday is worth noting in the first place.
She asks herself why such a little thing as a birthday seems so important to her.
This is not meant to imply only heterosexual couples face these issues or only men can have problematic ASD. She feels isolated, as her social connections have gradually diminished. The pain they feel when they recognize this gap catches them like a stab to the stomach. It’s difficult to see the process while it is going on, just as it is difficult to see the effects of water drops on granite minute by minute.
The reticence does not point to the underlying wisdom she assumed was present; she now sees that it comes from his not knowing what to do or say.She wonders whether she is being juvenile, as he suggested.She sees he doesn’t care one way or another about celebrating his own birthday, after all.Over the course of her marriage, she experiences herself as gradually disappearing. She also feels guilty, because her husband is a good man. With time, granite that once held the characteristics of a unique natural form is visibly reduced to a smooth, monolithic surface. It’s difficult to see the process while it is going on, just as it is difficult to see the effects of water drops on granite minute by minute.In the place of her former self emerges a person she barely recognizes. This result can be seen in the following modified example from my psychotherapy practice: A woman in her mid-50s came in for her first appointment. But changes that are negligible day to day are incontrovertible over the long term.She decides he is more mature than she is and attempts to comply with this idea of “maturity” by trying to ignore her own birthday. All her friends and family members mark their birthdays in some way.She sometimes has to explain to them why hers was overlooked.This would be facilitated by the presence of a partner who complies with his view of reality. It is because his fundamental concepts are threatened by hers.His anxiety grows with his fear of doing “something wrong” because he is never quite confident about what the “right thing to do” might be.Before taking a seat, she handed me her curriculum vitae. And over time, they begin to interpret what is reflected to them as a reliable representation. And my children think I’m a crazy person.” Then the tears came in earnest. On one occasion, a woman told me, “My husband has Asperger’s.” Then she began to cry, could not stop, seemed uncomfortable for not being able to compose herself, and left the office without uttering another word.